A lot has been penned about The Mummy already and it appears, looking at the box office, that most of you agree with that. I had to take a look-see for myself.

Have you ever bought a second album from someone and wondered what on earth had gone wrong? It’s even called ‘the tricky second album’ by most.

In the majority of cases, the second album sees the artist in question have much more control over the album then they did the first one. They’ll usually be the producer and surround themselves with ‘yes men’.

Under these circumstances, without anyone around to point out that something wasn’t very good, or perhaps that doesn’t work, what gets turned out is usually crap.

I mention this as, if rumours are to be believed, this is exactly what has happened with The Mummy reboot. A recent Variety magazine article had this to say on the production:

“Universal contractually guaranteed Cruise control of most aspects of the project, from script approval to post-production design” and “the actor personally commissioned two other writers along with McQuarrie to work on the script”.

There are six credit writers on The Mummy, which is always a worry-point for me. One of them is actor Dylan Kussman who has very little writing history, but has worked with Cruise a lot. Seems strange that Universal would give him the job of kickstarting their Dark Universe.

But then, it seems strange that you would hand over the directing reigns to long-time producer Alex Kurtzman who has only directed three things before, two of them being TV episodes and the last thing he did being back in 2012.

Anyway, some of this happened, other bits may, or may not, have happened. Regardless, it’s a mess, which, coincidentally, sums up the film itself rather nicely.

I’m sure we’ve all seen the original Brendan Fraser franchise, at least one of them, at least once. It was fun, it was funny, it knew what it was and it didn’t try to be anything different.

This version of The Mummy however, doesn’t seem to have any clue what it wants to be, or do, or feel like, or look like.

We have Cruise as a dead, part-way living god, chased by The Mummy, Sofia Boutella (Kingsman, Star Trek Beyond) who wants to make him a whole-way living god. A bad, god.

Then there’s Dr Jekyll, Russell Crowe, who is completely out of place and, when he turns into Mr Hyde, well…it appears the budget had run out. I wondered if I was watching an early release without the special effects. To go from Jekyll to Hyde, Crowe puts on an even worse London accent. That’s it. That’s the distinction.

Cruise and his compadre Jake Johnson (Jurassic World, 21 Jump Street), try to crack jokes and raise some laughs but most fall flat. Other than Annabelle Wallis (Peaky Blinders (TV)) as the love interest, that’s pretty much it for the cast.

The Mummy is a mess of a film that isn’t fun, isn’t funny and isn’t dark. No-one comes out of this film in a good-way. Perhaps now we can return to original storytelling instead of reboots and remakes? Wishful thinking, I’ve heard The Cannonball Run is going through the remake process…

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